fallen
by Aureillia
Summary: you were always so stubborn, weren't you? - paul&dawn angst


I loved you. I tried to save you from yourself.

You weren't the first one of their kind to do it, and certainly wouldn't be the last. Arceus knows you wouldn't be the last. That didn't stop me from trying, though. I knew it was hopeless, I knew from the moment I began that I was fighting a losing war. We both knew you had to go. And yet, I still held onto the hope that I could change your mind. Somehow, I still do. At first, I was shocked. Horrified, even, that you would consider it. Why would somebody do that to themselves? How could anybody condemn themselves to a life such as that?

I know better now.

You were always so stubborn, weren't you? Slowly, even as I made the countless attempts at saving what little of you there was left to recapture, I understood. You weren't the only stubborn one, after all. Again, that didn't stop me from trying. I was selfish, I suppose you could say. I wanted to keep you here, even though in a way I knew that you leaving was for the better. It was in your blood. Nobody could change that. Not even you. Even now, as I sit here in silent desolation I still hold onto the hope that maybe someday, you'll come back to us.

Back to _me_.

I know it's pointless. You made your decision long before you even knew my name. There were times, I like to believe, when you thought you were making the wrong choice. Times when you thought I was right. Times when I thought I saw a flicker of regret in your eyes. Falters in your actions. I know that I'm nothing a but a fool, and a fool who has played her part well. For no matter what I had seen, whether it be real or manifestation created by my mind, it didn't matter now. None of it mattered. Not anymore. You were gone, lost to all of us. Lost to me.

Obviously, physically, you were still here. But not in the way you should have been. The person... The _thing_ you now are cannot even bear the slightest resemblance to what you once were. If I didn't know you so well, I would never have guessed that the empty, hollow void you have become could have possibly been so different in contrast. Not in a million years. For you are nothing but an empty shell of the soul you used to be. You aren't _you_. When I saw you, I couldn't recognise you. Not anymore.

All I did know was that you definitely weren't what you had become. Not to me, anyway. This creature... it wasn't you. It could never be you. No matter how hard I tried to force myself into reality, I could not even begin to comprehend that this monster was the man I gave my heart and soul to. How was it possible? Do you still remember me? Do you remember who you were?

I remember it all.

I remember the time we first met. Well, the time we first met after your transformation, that is. Your eyes... they weren't the ones I remembered. How could those cold, lifeless voids belong to you? Shallow and completely devoid of the light that had once radiated so purely from them. These false carbon copies could never belong to you. But they did, because as foreign as they were, nobody else could have eyes like yours. Even in this state, I would have known them anywhere.

You stared at me intently as I stood there, frozen in shock. When did your gaze become so cold? It was not the loving, warm pools of onyx that I had come to love. You didn't move, your glare piercing through my very soul. If you remembered me, you didn't show it. Your expression was full of malice, full of hate. And it killed me. It shouldn't matter though, it really shouldn't. I never should have _let it_ matter. Because the man I knew and loved was gone. He wasn't coming back.

 _Ever_.

There was nothing in this world that could bring you back from where you were. No matter how hard I wished it to be. Have you ever heard the saying; "If one thousand tears could bring you back"? Well, I had. I could tell you the answer, too. I could tell you right now that one thousand tears couldn't bring you back. They _wouldn't._ I knew because I had tried. Not just once, either, but many. I had cried until there was nothing left to cry for, until no tears were left to spill. I had nothing left to shed. I was numb.

Tears would never help you.

That's what the transformation had done. Why I still tried, I do not know. Perhaps it was because that although we both knew it was too late, I was still able to stop you, even though not ultimately. I still made you wait. I still made you hesitate. I still made you have second thoughts. It was almost worth it, too, because for a time I'd almost won. You stayed for as long as you could. So then again, maybe I do know. I just don't want to admit it... Not anymore. Because now it really is too late.

There is no rewind button on life, after all. It doesn't contain second chances.

You cannot be bought back. I know that. I was there when you made your final decision, that fateful day when my words no longer meant anything to you. They had no effect. There was nothing I could do to stop you. Yet for some reason, that didn't stop me, either. And if I had to do it all over again, I would go through it all a million times if it meant having you for the months I did. Because while I know it's hopeless, I still try. Because I loved you.

Because I still love you.

 **This was something I randomly wrote one morning, it came out of nowhere and obviously doesn't follow the plot for Pokemon. Make what you want of it. I suppose that it could be held in regards to any couple, but Paul and Dawn seemed like the most likely couple to fit it. One day I may write a whole multi-chapter fic behind this, who knows? But for now it'll remain as it is.** **Jess and Jess, don't kill me because of this. XD**

 **Reviews and constructive criticism are both welcome.**

 **~Aureillia**


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